A Year of Thank Yous

I recently saw a review of the book “365 Thank Yous: The Year a Simple Act of Daily Gratitude Changed My Life.” Author John Kralik was just about at rock bottom in his life – his law firm was failing, he was in the midst of a divorce, was overweight, lived in a crappy apartment, was out of contact with his kids, and so on. And during a New Year’s Day walk, he decided that maybe he could find a way to be grateful for what he had.

Sure, we’ve all heard about keeping a Gratitude Journal, and that’s all fine and good. But John took it a step further and, inspired by a thank you note he had received, determined to hand write 365 thank-you notes in the coming year. He shared his gratitude for kindness shown by family, friends, colleagues, store clerks, neighbors, etc. Miraculously, he became the beneficiary of all kinds of fortune, which is really not all that surprising if you understand karma.

SO even though I haven’t yet read the book, I decided to take up the challenge of doing the same thing. The timing is of course perfect because we’re just at the start of a new year. I actually think I’m going to have MORE than 365 people to write to, although at the moment the list is only running in my head and I haven’t any idea how many are on it. I’m wondering how I might reach people I’d like to thank but for whom I have no address. Guess I’ll figure that out somehow.

I posted this goal on Facebook and got some logistics questions. Making up my own rules here, these thank yous will be handwritten and mailed or hand delivered, as appropriate. They will not be posted on any social media site, as I don’t intend for them to be public declarations. The thank you notes I write to first time Zen Rabbit clients don’t count as part of the 365.

I’m excited to get started. I’ve been thinking about who I will choose to kick it all off and I think I know, but I’ve got another day of contemplation before I have to actually write. So many possibilities! Which only serves to emphasize how blessed I am to have such a pool of people from which to pick.

A few friends indicated that they too are up for the task. How about you? Get your fine stationery, the writing implement of your favor and start thanking!

Good Idea to Pay for a Good Deed?

The concept first showed up to me in Dan Ariely’s book “Predictably Irrational.” I just finished “Drive” by Dan Pink and he talks about it too. So it’s high time I mention it here.

Paying people for doing nice things for you is not only ineffective, it’s insulting. Think about how you might feel if you did a favor for someone and he turned around and said, “hey buddy, thanks a lot. Here’s 25 bucks.” Or a friend shows up to your dinner party and instead of presenting you with a nice bottle of wine or a yummy dessert, she hands you some cash. You’d think, wow, that’s kind of weird.

There are two sets of norms in our society – social norms and market norms. Social norms are the domain of friendly requests, good deeds and warm and fuzzy. Market norms are about monetary exchanges in transactions such as wages, prices, rents, etc. Life is good when you understand the difference and keep them separate.

Things get a little hairy though when you start mixing the two. And that’s what happens in business when you pay people for giving you referrals. Essentially, when you pay a commission to someone who is not an employee for giving you a referral, you’re making a financial transaction.

Many times people make referrals because they want to be helpful. They’re not necessarily looking for anything in return. It’s a social exchange. And in social exchanges, gifts are the most acceptable type of “reward.”

Not only are small gifts more the accepted norm, giving them instead of money actually increases the likelihood that they will continue to share information with you. Studies have shown people will work more for a cause (or something they believe is worthy) than for cash. Both Ariely’s and Pink’s books address the reasoning behind this in more depth and I recommend reading them. But suffice it to know that if you want more referral business, saying thank you with a small gift or gesture is more effective than offering legal tender. Yes, even in “this economy.”

Can Anything Make You Happy?

Ever since reading “Delivering Happiness” a few weeks ago, I’ve been pondering the whole concept of happiness. With all due respect to Sheryl Crow, many people will say something or someone “makes” them happy. But if you believe your thoughts create your reality and you are responsible for your own life creations, then nothing can “make” you happy or unhappy. It’s all in your perception.

I was in the Washington, DC area last week, where I was incredibly happy. In the past, I might have thought or said that being there makes me happy. However, the change in perspective now leads me to say being there CONTRIBUTES to my happiness. Sure, it’s semantics, but choosing the right phrasing is important in conveying what you mean. As Mark Twain said, “The difference between the almost right word and the right word is really a large matter – it’s the difference between the lightning bug and the lightning.”

Changing this phrasing can change the whole way you see people, places and events in your life. It’s like a new benchmark of evaluation. Try it out. Think of a person and say to yourself, he or she contributes to my happiness. Does it ring true or not? If not, you may want to see how you can reduce time spent with or around that person. Do it with the place you live, the people you work with, the activities you participate in every week. Finding anything interesting? For me, it’s about to change everything.

See my review of the book “Delivering Happiness” by clicking HERE.

Giving Back Through Literacy & Reading to Kids



As entrepreneurs and business people – or really, as humans – it’s important to give back to our communities. Some people choose to donate money to good causes, which is greatly needed. Others may decide to give in a more hands on way. When I started Zen Rabbit, I dropped the volunteer activities I had been involved in to devote all my time and energy to the business. The plan was to donate a portion of profits to a few causes, so I would still be giving back. Now six years later, I decided to go back to some actual hands-on service.

I’ve always loved reading and have long been involved with literacy organizations. Can you IMAGINE not being able to read? How does one even function in our society without this crucial skill? If you’ve always associated with people who are readers, you may find it hard to believe…

• One child in four grows up not knowing how to read (National Assessment of Adult Literacy)
• More than 20 percent of adults read at or below a fifth-grade level – far below the level needed to earn a living wage. (National Institute for Literacy)
• 44 million adults in the U.S. can’t read well enough to read a simple story to a child. (National Adult Literacy Survey (1992) NCED, U.S. Department of Education)
• 21 million Americans can’t read at all, 45 million are marginally illiterate and one-fifth of high school graduates can’t read their diplomas. (Department of Justice)
• Nearly half of America’s adults are poor readers, or “functionally illiterate.” They can’t carry out simply tasks like balancing a checkbook, reading drug labels or writing essays for a job. (National Adult Literacy Survey)

So when I decided to get involved again, it was just a matter of finding an organization that was a good fit with my time and energy. Earlier in the year, I had started conversation on Twitter with Rich Greif, Executive Director of Everybody Wins! – a national organization that provides reading enrichment programs for young children through schools. But Everybody Wins! doesn’t have a program in my area yet.

Then I went to a tweet-up (where people on Twitter meet and network in person) and met children’s librarian Jeanne Taylor. She told me about the Let’s Read program run by the West Palm Beach Public Library. Volunteers go into classrooms around the downtown area and read to the kindergarten, first and second grade kids for 30 minutes once a week.

The new semester was starting right away and I got one of the last classrooms still available. I absolutely LOVE the first graders I share stories with every week. They are extremely appreciative of story time, as is their teacher. Can I tell you how touched I was to get a round of applause after reading “Where the Wild Things Are” last week?

A typical middle class child enters first grade with approximately 1,000 hours of being read to, while the corresponding child from a low-income family averages just 25 of those hours, such differences in the availability of book resources may have unintended and pernicious consequences for low-income children’ long term success in schooling. M. Adams, Beginning to read. (MIT Press, Cambridge, MA, 1990).

The thing is, when you’re completely involved in the joy of doing for someone else’s benefit, you’re not thinking about where the money is coming from to pay your credit card this month. You’re immersed in the moment, living in the now, right where all the experts tell us our power is.

So during this month of gratitude, think about taking the focus off yourself and your business and putting attention to someone who needs your support.

Leading a Tribe

Seth Godin is looking for leaders. In his latest book, “Tribes,” Seth claims there’s a “vast shortage of leaders” at a time when it’s never been easier for people who want to make a difference to do so. To become a tribe leader, “all you need to do is motivate people who choose to follow you.”

Cool. So I’m seeing massive opportunity in front of me and for you too. What are you passionate about? Find others who are passionate about the same thing and lead them in creating change, in making a difference in the world. It’s human nature to want to belong, to fit in. And right now, with the Internet and social media, it’s easier than ever to find others who will join you in whatever quest you’re on.

Personally, I’m building a tribe to change how people relate to each other in business and personal life. I’m building a tribe that understands the importance of sharing gratitude, of appreciation marketing, of recognizing the contributions of others to their success. Not everyone will want to be in my tribe, nor is everyone is even qualified to join. But for those who do and who are, we will impact the lives of millions by creating stronger relationships and helping others feel valued.

What tribe are you leading?

Who’s Got Your Back

Just spent 3 days in a cave. Okay, not really a cave, but in my Sacred Circle Mastermind. Fourteen business owners meet with our coach and mentor Fabienne Fredrickson three times a year. When we’re all together, there’s not a lot of contact with the outside world. The easy explanation for what we do there is that it’s three days working on strategic aspects of our businesses. It’s actually much more. We are a group of entrepreneurs that is playing really big, taking action and stepping up our game.

It’s called the Sacred Circle because what happens in this space, among these people is magical. We’ve created deep and trusting relationships with each other in a way that isn’t at all that common in the “real world.” Inside our circle, we can be vulnerable and open. We talk about where we’re stuck, or what’s scaring the crap out of us. We see in each other the huge potential that we don’t see in ourselves. We call each other out on the stuff that’s holding us back and getting in the way of our success. What’s shared in these meetings stays within the Circle.

One thing I can share with you from this meeting is that Keith Ferrazzi’s new book, “Who’s Got Your Back” came up in discussion because it’s about relationships just like what we’ve created in our Sacred Circle. Keith says “the real path to success in your career and in your personal life is through creating an inner circle of “lifeline relationships” – deep, close relationships with a few key trusted individuals who will offer the encouragement, feedback, and generous mutual support that every one of us needs to reach our full potential.”

So I leave Stamford, Connecticut this weekend tired and energized at the same time; grateful that I have this trusted family; knowing that just like anyone else who’s ever achieved greatness, I’ve got an amazing team on this journey with me.

Client / Customer Service Recommended Reading

Shelley in Virginia asked me for reading recommendations on providing the ultimate customer experience. Here’s my initial list:

Any of Jeffrey Gitomer’s books, and especially Customer Satisfaction is Worthless, Customer Loyalty is Priceless: How to Make Them Love You, Keep You Coming Back, and Tell Everyone They Know.

“Building the Happiness Centred Business” by Dr. Paddi Lund (he’s an Australian dentist with a GREAT philosophy and system for doing business) http://www.solutionspress.com.au/

Customers For Life: How To Turn That One-Time Buyer Into a Lifetime Customer by Carl Sewell

HUG YOUR CUSTOMERS: THE PROVEN WAY TO PERSONALIZE SALES AND ACHIEVE ASTOUNDING RESULTS by Jack Mitchell

The Nordstrom Way: The Inside Story of America’s #1 Customer Service Company by Robert Spector and Patrick D. McCarthy

Pour Your Heart into It : How Starbucks Built a Company One Cup at a Time by Howard Shultz

Life’s Golden Ticket

Have you ever wished you could have a second chance at your life? I got an email from somewhere that asked “what if you were given a ticket that could magically start your life anew?” and promoted the new book “Life’s Golden Ticket” by Brendon Burchard. I’m always interested in a good story and this one is called “an inspirational novel,” which intrigued me even more. Some of the reviews call it “life changing;” I wouldn’t go that far, but it is definitely absorbing and thought-provoking.

The story follows the experiences of a man who steps into a world designed to teach him about his past so that he can see the possibilities and choices available to him going forward. His fiancée Mary is on her deathbed after she’s been missing for 40 days and no one knows why. She begs him to take a mysterious envelope to an abandoned amusement park, where he meets an old groundskeeper. The two men set out to learn what happened to Mary and take a journey that involves some bizarre characters. I guarantee that you will relate to at least one of the lessons he learns along the way.

If you’ve read and enjoyed “The Alchemist” or “The Five People You Meet in Heaven” you will love this book. If you haven’t read those, you are in for a new kind of treat.

It’s a quick read; I finished the entire book on a flight from Palm Beach to Boston. You can feel good about buying it because a portion of the proceeds go to Kiwanis International, Junior Achievement and the YMCA. Once you’ve read it, pass it along to someone else who would enjoy some good summer reading. For more info about the book or the author’s seminars, or to sign up for a sweepstakes trip for two to anywhere in the world, go to www.lifesgoldenticket.com.