Some Days it’s More Difficult to be Grateful

Truth be told, some days it takes more effort to find things in your life for which to be grateful. Everyone’s on his or her own path and some people are more “enlightened” than others, but even those with a high level of awareness have their challenges. So what’s a person to do during difficult times?

Change how you’re looking at circumstances. Wayne Dyer said when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. The circumstances that surround you right now do not define who you are. If a client is upset with the service you’ve provided, it doesn’t mean you are a terrible, incompetent person or your business sucks at customer service. Maybe that client isn’t your ideal and is giving you the opportunity to see that and initiative to move on to find other people who are. Aha! You can be grateful for the insight.

Not to get all preachy and just to bring some perspective, I was half paying attention to the recent Carnival cruise line story and how atrocious the conditions on board the ship were after it was disabled. My friend Dawn, who does a lot of work with African refugees, posted a comment on Facebook about how much of the world lives in similar surroundings ALL THE TIME. Yes, I’m sure it was mighty unpleasant and it’s a shame their vacations were ruined. But it was for a few days. You will get off the ship and go home to all your modern conveniences. First world problem!

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying anyone should feel guilty or bad about having everything we have in the developed countries! Let’s get back to the topic at hand, which is finding gratitude even on the more difficult days. Can you be grateful for running water, a warm blanket, a hot cup of tea? Focus on feeling good about whatever it is you DO have. Say a quick prayer of thanks for even the smallest, potentially overlooked thing.

That complaining client highlights how wonderful some of your other clients are. Send those wonderful people a heartfelt note or gift to let them know how much you appreciate them. Consider the deal that fell through, the one you’ve been working on for months and really, really wanted, to be a blessing in disguise. Something better is on its way.

I was reminded of such a situation the other day when I saw a For Sale sign in the complex where I’d made an offer for my first townhouse. I was so disappointed when they rejected it and frustrated for days. But a few months later, my husband and I found one that was nicer and a much better value. Thank goodness those first sellers rejected the offer because now, years later, I see how that place would never have worked as well as where we ended up.

Yes, some days the things you have to be grateful for appear to be less significant than other days. Be grateful for them anyway.

Strengthening Existing Client Relationships

Looking to improve your revenue this year and build a bigger business? That’s fantastic. How are you going to do it? What’s your plan? Most people answer that question with “get more customers.” And typically “get more customers” means do more marketing.

You could certainly spend time and money on chasing down new clients. OR, you could invest in the relationships you have with your current customers and strengthen them. When you do that, you’ll see existing clients buying more from you, maybe more frequently. You’ll also see an increase in referrals coming from those current clients. Business grows and you don’t have to work as hard. How great is that?

Here are a few ideas you can use to fortify those bonds.

Call them on their birthday. Everyone likes to receive happy birthday wishes on THEIR day. With the advent of Facebook, you’re probably getting a lot more than you used to, but most of them are not all that sincere. How many phone calls did you get on your birthday? Mine was last week, so I can tell you it was exactly seven – four family members, two friends and my financial adviser. Since only one was from someone with whom I do business, it stands out in my mind. I’m guessing he has a list he prints out every week and he sets aside 10 minutes a day to do those calls. Doesn’t take long and makes people happy.

Send a handwritten card or small gift on their birthday. Depending on the value of a client to you, you may choose to do something more than a phone call. One of Zen Rabbit’s clients sends a small package of Gratitude Cookies to each of his clients on their birthdays. Small gesture makes a big impression. If you are going to send a card, for gosh sakes, make it personal and don’t send something printed and signed by a computer!

Surprise them with random gifts of appreciation. These gifts don’t need to be expensive or extravagant. If you have products that are physical delivered to your customers, or you’re on site with them frequently, you can include surprises in what you send out or bring with you. One vendor I know included a few lolly pops in each shipment. Otherwise you can do a special mailing. January is Hot Tea Month, so you could share your favorite tea. It’s also International Creativity Month, which begs for sharing a box of crayons or colored pens. Or how about sharing a delicious recipe or even an entire little cookbook of soup recipes for National Soup Month.

Print out or clip articles you see about your clients’ or their children’s achievements and mail them in an envelope with a note. Are you getting the drift here about delivering items in physical form via mail or other delivery service? It makes a difference! Electronic communications are fine and useful. But connecting on a more personal, tactile level is essential to human connectivity.

Going about business as usual, counting on clients to “know” you value their business is much like not changing the oil in your car when it’s time. The performance of your car isn’t affected right away. You may be able to drive for quite a while without issue. But sooner or later, that kind of neglect is going to cause major problems and will be pretty costly to fix.

Take care of your existing business connections, sincerely say thank you to customers for business, add the elements of fun and spontaneity to your client relationships and see how your business is rewarded with more.

What creative ideas have you used? Share here or come over to Zen Rabbit’s Facebook page to tell us about it.

Giving Thanks for Customers, Employees & All That is Good

In the craziness of everyday life, it’s easy to forget about the good things that are happening all around us. How often do you focus on the things you haven’t done? You think about the phone calls you didn’t get to, the orders that didn’t ship out today, the presentation you still need to finish.

And then you listen to the news, which rarely ever makes you feel better about your situation.  I know you listen because I hear your conversations around me. The housing market! Gas prices! Heidi and Seal’s children! Oh the horrors!

Take this moment, this day, this month to focus on giving THANKS for all the good that IS in your life. Pay attention to what the people around you are doing RIGHT. Look for and praise the employee who shows up on time and takes initiative. Say thank you to her. Think about all the good clients you have, the ones you enjoy talking to and working for. Let them know they’re special. Recognize the effort that your vendor makes when you absolutely, positively have to have your order shipped out today. Tell them you value their heroic effort.

I recently read an article that suggested people don’t say thank you because they’re afraid that if they do, somewhere down the line they’ll be asked to “pay up”. For example, if you recognize an employee’s efforts, you’ll have to give him a raise. But the writer went on to point out that if you think about the times when you’ve been thanked, you’ll realize you are not then mentally figuring out how much the other person owes you. That’s just not how appreciation works.

While you’re at it, take some time to show some appreciation to yourself. Maybe you didn’t get everything crossed off your list this week, but give yourself credit for what you DID accomplish. Here’s a nice pat on the back.

More Gratitude Please (apparently this is the month for it)

With Thanksgiving in the U.S. coming up in a few weeks, everyone’s talking about gratitude this month. Welcome to the conversation Zen Rabbit’s been having all year. Ha Ha! I am reminded of a discussion I had with mentor Paul Martinelli several years ago. I was starting Zen Rabbit and while my business was all about saying thank you to customers, Paul didn’t think I was feeling enough gratitude myself. Kind of ironic, right? He suggested I read Chapter VII on Gratitude in Wallace D. Wattle’s classic 1910 book “The Science of Getting Rich” every day, morning and evening, for 30 days.

It’s not a long chapter, three pages in the printed version of the book I have. Here are a few choice lines:

“Many people who order their lives rightly in all other ways are kept in poverty by their lack of gratitude.”

“You cannot exercise much power without gratitude; for it is gratitude that keeps you connected to Power.”

“But the value of gratitude does not consist solely in getting you more blessings in the future. Without gratitude you cannot long keep from dissatisfied thought regarding things as they are.”

“Faith is born of gratitude. The grateful mind continually expects good things, and expectation becomes faith.”

In reading over it again now to write this article, I’m wondering if it wouldn’t be beneficial to repeat that twice a day exercise again this month. Hmmm. Who wants to join me in this endeavor?

I also saw a link on Facebook today, via my friends Sherri Sokolowski and Debbie Phillips, to Carrie Saba’s blog post where she also proposes a gratitude challenge. I don’t know Carrie however I’m now grateful for finding her article. She’s sharing several fantastic ideas for focusing on gratitude, one of which is finding a gratitude buddy and emailing each other what you’re grateful for every day. Having trouble coming up with anything? She’s got some gratitude themes you can use as kindling.

Her post also brings to mind the project I mentioned back in 2010  after reading John Kralik’s book “365 Thank Yous: The Year a Simple Act of Daily Gratitude Changed My Life,” whereby I wrote one thank you note a day to someone who has impacted my life and done something for which I am thankful.

So here’s to improved efforts on recognizing all that you have to be grateful for. It starts with acknowledging privately to yourself and moves to outward expressions through thank you notes and gifts shared with those for whom you are thankful.

PS: If you’ve not read “The Science of Getting Rich,” I highly recommend you do. It’s in the public domain now, which means you can find it for free. An ebook version is available here: http://tinyurl.com/a5pkpox . The Kindle version is only $.99 or you can find an inexpensive printed copy.

Living in a Gratitude Bubble

Kathy Korman Frey teaches a Women’s Entrepreneurial Leadership Class at George Washington University that includes a mentoring experience for students with female business leaders in the DC community. I was honored to participate recently and work with Lindsay Jernigan. What an impressive young lady! (See her bio info at the end.)

Thinking back, I could have only hoped to have been as poised and prepared to start a career as she is. I asked her to write a blog post about how gratitude has been a part of her life and she agreed. Here is her contribution:

My friends always joke that I live in a bubble. An impenetrable protection that seems to follow me wherever I go. In fear of jinxing myself, I rarely speak of said bubble and only quietly acknowledge its existence each time I seem to have a turn of luck. A place where the bubble particularly comes in handy is when I travel. I have been lucky enough to many exciting places bound to present some precarious situations completely out of my control. I have recently done some thinking about this bubble of mine and tried to make some sense of it. What I have started to realize is that the bubble comes from a perspective of gratitude mixed in with a smile.

Even without words, we connected through his act of kindness and my smiling face. He understood I was grateful.

I remember when I first arrived in Shanghai for my semester abroad. I was dropped in the middle of the financial district with three huge suitcases looking for my friend’s brother, who was supposed to meet me. With no familiar face in sight I was left on a curb unable to carry my bulging luggage. Out of nowhere a man appeared and quickly shuffled all of my things to the lobby of a hotel where I could wait comfortably. Not knowing one word of Chinese, I looked at the man and smiled thanking him repeatedly in English. I am not sure if the man truly understood the level of gratitude I was trying to express, but he understood that I was happy and grateful. Not being able to say one word to each other he and I connected through his act of kindness and my smiling face.

“Thank you” quickly became the first word I ever learned in Chinese. It is now a trend that in every new country I visit, I immediately learn how to say thank you. It’s a word you feel almost naked without knowing. It’s a word that can make those precarious situations a little less precarious. It’s the word that connects you with the culture and the people around you, because gratitude, even a simple thank you, transcends borders, languages, and any cultural norms.

As I start to embark on my own journey, I know that I will strive to keep gratitude a common theme along the way. Throughout all of my twists and turns I know I can always rely on a simple thank you and a smile to invite positivity into my life. It serves as the common ground between me and everyone else regardless of his or her background. It is how I connect with people all around me regardless of the circumstance. All of the sudden, I start to feel at home in the most foreign places, all thanks to my bubble of gratitude.

Lindsay is a Junior in the Elliot School of International Affairs at GW – majoring in international affairs. This summer she is interning at Barclay’s Capital in Hong Kong and has already traveled to more than 30 countries.  Of those countries, she has lived in Memphis, TN; London, England (for 10 years); and Shanghai, China (for a year). She also spent a year before college in Ecuador and Costa Rica.

The Power of Paying Attention to Your Environment

Yesterday I was out running through the forest. Okay, not so much a forest as the Custis and W&OD bike trails. But it may as well have been a forest. I first saw a rabbit frolicking amidst a grassy side area. As you might guess, with a company named Zen Rabbit, rabbits are my totem animal. I LOVE seeing rabbits.

And then about 20 minutes later, I saw a deer! There was one biker who also saw the deer enjoying her mid-afternoon snack in the foliage. Then there were a whole bunch of other people on the trail who didn’t even notice. They zoomed right by, not paying any attention to what was around them.

That experience got me thinking about how many times people don’t see what’s right in front of them. How many opportunities are missed because they’re too busy getting where they’re going to pay attention to the cool stuff that shows up unexpectedly? I admit I’ve made this mistake many times and will likely make it again. You get caught up in getting stuff done, staying focused on the task at hand and not allowing any outside distractions. At times, that’s the only way to operate and it ensures that you reach your goals.

Other times, though, like a beautiful Sunday afternoon, you need to allow yourself to meander. To be distracted. To get out of your head and into the moment. To allow your attention to wander to whatever is playing on the sides of the trail right now. Who knows what you might suddenly see or what great ideas may come to you.

A Year of Thank Yous

I recently saw a review of the book “365 Thank Yous: The Year a Simple Act of Daily Gratitude Changed My Life.” Author John Kralik was just about at rock bottom in his life – his law firm was failing, he was in the midst of a divorce, was overweight, lived in a crappy apartment, was out of contact with his kids, and so on. And during a New Year’s Day walk, he decided that maybe he could find a way to be grateful for what he had.

Sure, we’ve all heard about keeping a Gratitude Journal, and that’s all fine and good. But John took it a step further and, inspired by a thank you note he had received, determined to hand write 365 thank-you notes in the coming year. He shared his gratitude for kindness shown by family, friends, colleagues, store clerks, neighbors, etc. Miraculously, he became the beneficiary of all kinds of fortune, which is really not all that surprising if you understand karma.

SO even though I haven’t yet read the book, I decided to take up the challenge of doing the same thing. The timing is of course perfect because we’re just at the start of a new year. I actually think I’m going to have MORE than 365 people to write to, although at the moment the list is only running in my head and I haven’t any idea how many are on it. I’m wondering how I might reach people I’d like to thank but for whom I have no address. Guess I’ll figure that out somehow.

I posted this goal on Facebook and got some logistics questions. Making up my own rules here, these thank yous will be handwritten and mailed or hand delivered, as appropriate. They will not be posted on any social media site, as I don’t intend for them to be public declarations. The thank you notes I write to first time Zen Rabbit clients don’t count as part of the 365.

I’m excited to get started. I’ve been thinking about who I will choose to kick it all off and I think I know, but I’ve got another day of contemplation before I have to actually write. So many possibilities! Which only serves to emphasize how blessed I am to have such a pool of people from which to pick.

A few friends indicated that they too are up for the task. How about you? Get your fine stationery, the writing implement of your favor and start thanking!

Why Bad Manners are Good for Business

You might have lots of stories in which you are the recipient of poor treatment and bad manners. I wouldn’t be surprised, as it seems like common courtesies have gone the way of the mimeograph. Maybe you can even laugh at some of those instances now. But is it possible for bad manners to be good news for your business?

The answer is YES and here’s how. Since so few people are using good manners these days, they’ve become a great way to differentiate yourself in business (and life in general). Showing appreciation and saying thank you when people do something nice for you helps you stand out. It puts you head and shoulders above the competition.

Everyone likes to be acknowledged and feel valued. It’s a basic human need and no one gets too much. So if you can provide it – in addition to whatever product or service you’re in business to deliver – you are sure to attract more business. The more customers who love you, the more word-of-mouth and referrals you get and it becomes a beautiful cycle of growth.

Remember the last time you made an effort to say thank you to someone? I mean a sincere effort, not a quickly sent off, one line email. What did you do? Mail a handwritten thank you note? Deliver a bouquet of flowers? Send a gourmet care package or basket?

What kind of response did you get? First of all, YOU probably felt pretty good because doing a good deed benefits your well-being too. And then you probably got a phone call or some type of excited or grateful thank you for saying thank you. Even if you didn’t, it’s a safe bet to say you made a positive impact on the recipient.

Maya Angelou said, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

So go ahead world, be rude! We’ll just use your lack of manners to our own advantage.

Grateful on National Girlfriends Day

August 1 is National Girlfriends Day, as in your BFFs, not the romantic boyfriend/girlfriend version. How do you show appreciation for your valuable female friendships? Take few minutes to think about who your best girlfriends have been over the years and what they’ve contributed to your life. Starting with my very first girlfriend, pictured here* – our parents became friends when we were infants and Beth and I remain friends to this day – I am grateful for all the encouragement and advice and conversations and laughter my girlfriends have shared.

Last week I reconnected via Facebook with my best friend, Jen, from 7th grade. Her family moved before high school and we lost touch. Within a day, we were on the phone for over an hour and it’s amazing how much we’ve grown in common.

I think women typically tend to be more apt to express their appreciation for friendships than men. And more than one study has shown women rely more heavily on their friendships to get them through tough times as well.

As much as I love hanging out with my guy friends, nothing beats a good conversation with a close girlfriend. Guys can get uncomfortable if you’re talking about something that makes you cry. Girlfriends just hand you a tissue and let you go on. Then there are the topics guys will never be able to relate to (just as there are guy conversations we will never “get”).

So thank you to all my magnificent girlfriends! I’m fortunate that the list is long and spans great geographical distances, so long that I dare not post it here, lest I inadvertently forget one. Know that I am eternally grateful to you for the incredible gifts you’ve each presented, the ones that could only have come from you being the amazing person you are.

Post a comment and share a story about one of your girlfriends!

*This pic is from a few years ago. I attempted to find one of the two of us “back in the day,” but came up empty handed.

Leading a Tribe

Seth Godin is looking for leaders. In his latest book, “Tribes,” Seth claims there’s a “vast shortage of leaders” at a time when it’s never been easier for people who want to make a difference to do so. To become a tribe leader, “all you need to do is motivate people who choose to follow you.”

Cool. So I’m seeing massive opportunity in front of me and for you too. What are you passionate about? Find others who are passionate about the same thing and lead them in creating change, in making a difference in the world. It’s human nature to want to belong, to fit in. And right now, with the Internet and social media, it’s easier than ever to find others who will join you in whatever quest you’re on.

Personally, I’m building a tribe to change how people relate to each other in business and personal life. I’m building a tribe that understands the importance of sharing gratitude, of appreciation marketing, of recognizing the contributions of others to their success. Not everyone will want to be in my tribe, nor is everyone is even qualified to join. But for those who do and who are, we will impact the lives of millions by creating stronger relationships and helping others feel valued.

What tribe are you leading?